I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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