I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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