Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
