I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
