Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
