Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have surprise drugs for everyone
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
