careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
