I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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