bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
