I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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