Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
