So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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