My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
