Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
