Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
