evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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