Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
