Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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