so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
