I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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