He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
