Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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