I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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