There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
