Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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