cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize