Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize