you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
