You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she peed on how many people?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
