Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
