if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
