Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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