So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
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Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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