You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
