It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
