New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
