we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
