Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
