i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
