Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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