Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
