i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
