So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
