he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
