saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
