my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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