Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
