i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips