I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship