So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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