Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
