why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
