Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
