So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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