I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
