New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
