the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
