when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
