I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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