Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
