A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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