It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.