at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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