As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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