He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
