____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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