and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
