i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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