I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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