I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
