I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
