I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
