Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
