Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
