WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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