i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
