Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
