Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize