The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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