Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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