so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
