I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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