I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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