I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
