Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
